Well, here we are. So much to say, so many words and yet they’re all failing me at the moment. Your Dad can have his say as he sees fit, but you know me well. You should; you sat on my bladder for nine months. You know how hard it is for me to look you in the eye and say what’s what, so I take to the keyboard and voila!
From the moment I knew you existed, I have loved you. Even though that first trimester ruined me for the smell of hot dogs for the next two years, I loved you. For taking ten years off my life by trying to die before I even met you, I have loved you still.
For each and every phone call that commenced with “Mrs. Bowen?”, I have loved you. Remember checking out porn sites on the school laptop and trying to deny it? No? Well, let me put that down right now for posterity. You’re welcome.
For each sneeze accompanied by the inadvertent tinkle, I have loved you. For every eyeball roll, door slam, huffy sigh, and indignant stalking away…I have loved you.
For innocently inquiring why sister didn’t have a tallywacker and your earnest disappointment on her behalf at learning that girls didn’t come with one, I have loved you. For walking behind me and loudly whispering “that is one big butt”, yes, I have loved you.
For ghost skunks; for having your father’s penchant for using the wrong word; for noxious clouds of Axe body spray in lieu of soap and water…I have loved you.
For whiskery kisses; balled up socks in the washing machine; dirty underpants stuffed under the bed; and telling your 5th grade class you’d already gotten laid. Yep, still love you. Thanks to you, I’ll never forget the angry mother who accosted me at the check-in desk at school over that one. Uptight cow. A boy can dream, damn it!
My wishes for you are few and infinite; simple and complex. They’re more than I can put into words. But I’m not scared of giving it a go.
Make your mark. You are a good, decent, kind-hearted young man. Traits that are in short supply today. You may be ridiculed for having them. So be it. Let them be jealous and then let them emulate you.
God’s light shines in your smile. Share it everywhere you go.
You will make mistakes. Own them, learn from them. Go on. There’s a lesson to be learned in every circumstance. Find it.
There’s always humor to be found in everything. Even the tough stuff. Laugh. The world is full of folks who wouldn’t know humor if it sat on their face and wiggled. Don’t be one of them.
Keep your word. Be honest and upfront, but temper that honesty with compassion. You can be honest without being a total shitbag. What, you thought I’d go an entire post without at least one naughty word?
Stick to your standards. Even when it’s you alone against the crowd.
Respect yourself. Respect others. Agree to disagree. It’s called civil discourse and, although rare, it isn’t illegal.
Put down your phone and have an actual discussion. I’d never have met your Dad if I’d kept my nose glued to a screen. How else was I to ogle his tight tush?
No matter how highly you or others think of you, don’t be an asshole. Snarkiness, like variety, is the spice of life. Being an ass is akin to crapping on someone’s cake. Just saying.
For all you were. For all you are. For all you will become.
I love you.