Over or Under: A Question for the Ages 

So, I’ve been working on this hand quilting since Wednesday night and have been running into a few issues with the whole process.  

It’s slow.  Like grocery shopping with toddlers…or a husband.  Same difference.  It’s all bright and shiny and they want to look at and handle every friggin’ thing in sight when what you really want is to get in, get out, get home.  Hellaciousness on an epic level.  Much like I imagine a forced marathon viewing of the Kardashians would be.  

My posture is atrocious.  Not that I’m going to change what I’m doing because I have to have something to grouse about, but schlumping about like a jellyfish can’t be the most inspiring view ever.  At least I’m wearing makeup.

After a while, I can’t feel my feet.  I’ve been making myself get up and change positions fairly regularly.  Like a pregnant woman or spouse of a snorer.  But, dang it, I got stuff to get done!

And finally…

What do you do with the ladies?  Your BFFs?  Your gals?

I’ve convinced myself that hand quilting is for the flat chested, because bellying up to a quilting frame with a rack big enough to feed the entire African continent is a trial, y’all. It didn’t bother me at first, but the longer I sit here, the more apparent the problem becomes.

So, gentle reader, logistically speaking, does one’s rack float (haha) atop the frame, exposing Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum to potential needle puncture  as in this photo…


Or, do the mammaries hang (low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie ’em in a knot, can you tie ’em in a bow?) below the frame like a fleshy pair of sword of Damocles?


Plus, I’m also wrasslin’ the bulk of the quilt.

I even attempted to wedge the frame betwixt my bosom and jelly belly, the wood and fabric equivalent to a pinch of chaw between your cheek and gum.  It got ugly real quick.

So, here I sit, alternately flopping Fred and Ginger onto the work surface like a pair of fresh caught trout and shoving them under as if dunking The CoDefendants in the pool.  There is no satisfaction to be had.

So, my bodaciously endowed Quilting Sisters, any suggestions?

In the meantime, I’ll sit here juggling body parts and praying for the end.

And to think there are those who think quilting and quilters are boring. Eejits.

Advertisements

22 thoughts on “Over or Under: A Question for the Ages 

  1. I can’t quit laughing!!! Seriously, you kill me! If I ever thought about hand quilting (which I have never!) I won’t even attempt after reading this!!!! All I can say is bless your heart (like a good Texan) and then say, man, you have such determination and therfore, I know you will see this thru til the end! I admire you for that! Hope you get some good advice from hand quilters out there!!! xox

  2. I don’t know if this will help. I sit in a recliner, reclined, feet up. Prop my hoop on my knees. I still wrestle with the bulk. I only hand quilt when there is a good show on tv (NCIS, Chicago Fire). So I really don’t spend a lot of time hand quilting. When I saw this lovely old quilt, I thought “hope she going to hand quilt it.” Some quilts deserve it, even if it makes us nuts.
    Laughed out loud at this post!

    1. Thank you, Sue. My frame is 4ft long, so no holding it in a reclining position. I do have her round hoop which I guess I could use. I’ve never used a lap hoop. I’ll have to give it a go if I get really desperate. Lord knows these babies aren’t going to shrink!

  3. You are so funny! I will never have your ‘problem’ so can’t really help..except to say..use a hoop instead of a frame. Still laughing!

  4. I don’t think I’ll ever attempt hand quilting unless it’s something very small!! very very small….Anyway, did you ever think of those binders that they put on new mother’s to stop the milk from flowing? Plus, you would have some extra padding protection. I’m just picturing you now covered with Bandaids & sewing away with your quilt on some gym apparatus!!

  5. Well as I LOVE to hand quilt and and have quite a rack myself! 5’1 with DD’s. I find that above the girls works better for me but only when I can quilt with my arms bent at 90 degrees but then again I do. Not quilt on a frame but piled on my lap. And here in Buffalo I only hand quilt in the winter. Keep it up!

  6. My mom always told me to be grateful for what I got. I guess hand quilting will be a breeze for me!!!!!

  7. The hand quilters in my family quilt were well-endowed, and both kept the tatas down below while quilting on a frame. Maybe your frame is too low. Or maybe my grandmother’s tatas had migrated so far down that they solved the problem on their own. I’m thinking that if you raise up the frame, your t’s will naturally fall below it and stay out of the way. It means you’ll have to raise your arms higher, though, and that may be tiring. Regardless, please keep going and let us know how things turn out! This is one funny post!

    1. Happy to provide the chuckles, Mary. If the girls are contained, it’s top shelf time. Unfettered and free swinging, it’s belowdecks. I’m carrying on, flip flopping as the need arises. Have a great weekend!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s