When Himself and I were doing the whole baby naming gig, we took several things into consideration. If it was an ‘in’ name, it was out in our book. Same thing for cutesy, avant garde or just plain weird. I can’t see me going to a doctor named Moon Crater Tinkleturd, can you. We wanted something that sounded youthful when they were kids and distinguished when they grew up and moved out. My exact comment to Himself was ‘I want them to have a distinguished name that would sound good regardless of which side of the defense table they may find themselves’. Yes, I may have been aiming a bit low, but I was aiming for realism with just a touch of pessimism thrown in for good measure. The Co-Defendants have very nice names although, to be fair, I rarely use them. As they’ve grown up they’ve acquired several nicknames, some of which I use in public and others which I don’t. No, I won’t tell you what they are because these are the people who will pick my nursing home. I haven’t gone quite as far as Bill Cosby who claims his kids thought their names were Dammit and Jesus Christ for most of their formative years, but I confess I’ve come fairly close.
I’m not sure what my parents were aiming for with my name; perhaps they were just aiming for a lot of letters…22 to be exact. I’m just glad I didn’t turn out male (mostly because NOT stopping to ask for directions is just asinine) because they would’ve named me after grandfathers Jesse and James. No, I’m not joking. I will say that I don’t ever remember them calling me by anything other than my given name which suits me just fine. My mother always did, and still does, have a conniption fit when someone calls me ‘Steph’ and would have a mini rant about the fact that there were 4 more letters to my name. I’m not sure that it offends me as much as it apparently does her. It’s just something I don’t prefer…right along with any other nickname you can come up with for me unless it’s Benevolent Empress of the Universe. That I could handle. Now, there are some people who can get away with calling me variations of my first name. They’re mostly relatives, older friends or my spouse who, interestingly enough, calls me Steph. But I really like these people, well, most of the relatives, and so they get a pass. Everyone else, not so much.
Take for instance what I got called recently….Stephyupagus. Now, I grant that I may be older than the offending utterer and a bit on the chunky monkey side, however, I do not resemble a hairy-assed dinosaur.
I’m sure the look on my face said it all, but not being the queen of tact and really, really, really needing a paycheck, I smiled and moved on. I’m not one for the quick comeback but Himself granted me a reply for the next time…and you know there’ll be a next time.
‘Thank you, Twatamous’.
I can’t wait for next time.