The Meat Market

In my ‘what-if’ moments, I’ll admit to having thoughts of what would happen if Himself kicked it first and left me alone.  Yes, that’s rather dark and unpleasant and considering how I’ve told him I searched twenty-three years to find my Prince Redneck and kissed more than my fair share of toads, a somewhat odd thought to entertain.  But, there it is.  Susie Sunshine I am not.  Granted, I fully intend to nag and confuse the man to death, but I’m in absolutely no hurry to seal the deal.  The process itself it just waaay too much fun.  He got a little antsy when he discovered I bought new plates while he was in South Carolina and started looking about for other crap I’d changed in his absenceThe last big roadtrip he took, I rearranged the furniture.

Oh, it’s the little things, y’all!  {laughing, guffawing and generally trying not to pee in my pants}

Ahem.

Anyway, back to the ‘what-if’ and what would happen.  I got my answer yesterday thanks to that social media giant, Facebook, which started an email avalanche from which I’m still trying to dig my way out.  Apparently, you click on certain ads or games or apps and, presto! change-o!, you’re signed up for a dating site.  No more Candy Crush Saga for me, thank you very much!

When the first email hit my inbox, I borrowed a line from The Co-Defendants, did an eyeball roll and hit delete.  Several emails later, and it was no longer amusing.  It was creepy.  Is THIS what’s out there these days?  Y’all, it’s not pretty.  Yes, I’m pushing the big 4-0 and I’m no beauty queen, but criminy, I’m talking chasing Yugos kind of ugly here!  And lie?  Oh, lawd, y’all, they lie like roadkill.  If ‘average’ means multiple piercings and facial tattoos, I think I’ll have to pass.  BTW, aren’t teardrop tattoos indicators of having served prison time?  Aaaaaarrggghhhh!

I tried furiously last night to unsubscribe, but apparently, this site didn’t want me unsubscribing and I was stuck.  It was about this time that Himself walked in and I had to ‘fess up that I was inadvertently having a cyber-affair with multiple men and some I’m pretty sure were chicks.  He thought it was a riot. I shit you not.  Even I, the evil queen of off-color and downright potty humor, do not find this funny.  Is it odd that I felt like I was cheating and I hadn’t even gotten my hands on anyone else’s goodies yet?

So, it’s official.  Himself can never kick it and I can never push him so far that he’ll actually take a nosedive over the brink.  I’ll have to up my game here and just string it out ad infinitum.  I am that good.

 

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4 thoughts on “The Meat Market

  1. Yep- definitely stay away from tear drop tatts(I believe hand tattoos on the knuckles are also indicative of prison time so keep a lookout for those too )

    I’ve decided if Mr. P kicks the bucket first I’m totally looking for a 26 year old toy boy. But I wont be using dating sites. Thanks for the heads up!

    1. Avoid hand tats, tear drops and spider web tats…check.

      I don’t know if I could pull off that whole cougar thing, but I’ve get it my best shot! And you’re welcome.

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