My Snarky Self Walks Among You

I like quiet. Which is odd considering I work in a noisy environment (my choice), am a mother to two exuberant ADHD (read: noisy) children (also my choice) and am married (again, my choice) to a man who holds as part of his creed that no movie shall be viewed at anything less than full-volume in order to achieve movie theater quality (read: deafness-inducing and NOT my choice). Actually, my theory is he’s losing his hearing but his version makes him happy so we’ll stick with it for the time being.

This probably explains my love of long baths and frequent trips to the little girls’ room. Himself thinks I’m simply filthy…and incontinent.

Wanna know how to get an extra 20 minutes of quiet in the bathroom? Heehee. Here’s a “My Imperfect Life” exclusive mom sanity saver. Nothing, and I mean nothing, gets ’em scooting out of radar range faster than when you utter these nuggets of awesomeness: “Mommy has an upset tummy“. It’s like watching cockroaches scatter when you flip on the lights. Twisted, yes. Effective? Indubitably.

You’re welcome.

Do I mind talking? Not at all and I pull it off fairly well putting to rest any lingering ideas that those of us more quiet types are really knuckle-dragging throwbacks to the caveman days. There are some days when I wish communication could be accomplished solely by hand gestures, but being an educated gal, I appreciate that flipping folks the bird will only get me so far.

My point? I’m so glad you asked.

My point is that I have a limited capacity for conversation, so choosing your words wisely really counts here. Once my built-in conversation meter hits ’tilt’, you’re outta luck and I’m zoning out.

Which brings me to my second point…

I don’t mind Chatty Cathys in the least. I’ll talk your ear off if the subject is scintillating and has a point. Wanna discuss politics, quilting, Tom Selleck’s buns? I’m in! What I mind is someone who loves the sound of their own voice (and assumes I do, too) and goes on and on…about nothing at all. Get to the point already! It’s exhausting, and to the susceptible, contagious. It’s like verbal Ebola..deadly. Would I be out of line to offer an Immodium to someone as a cure for their verbal diarrhea? I think not.

And to think, they let me out in public.


  1. I’m with you. I talk (and listen ) all day for a living so I’m paid to be attentive no matter what. I cant sustain that in my out of work life and often come home and don’t talk until the next day. Woe betide anyone who bores me with a story …Im internally screaming “get to the point” in my head a lot.

    • I apparently had ‘that look’ on my face yesterday when I got home because the first thing out of Himself’s mouth was ‘What’s the matter with you?’ Gotta love it! I parked myself in front of the computer and didn’t move for about an hour. By early evening, I still wasn’t fit for human contact so I just went to bed. Some days I can handle it better than others, but yesterday just wasn’t my day.

  2. A lot of it is nerves. I really want to be a quiet person but it doesn’t work out. If you are a talker (and I am) and don’t talk people assume you are mad or sick. But I do understand what you are saying. I have a sister that I want to say, “Don’t tell the SAME sad, overly detailed story about your stupid choices over and over to everyone.”

    We currently aren’t speaking because I told her tatooing 45 year old drooping breasts when you didn’t have the money to afford rent is stupid. Obviously I talked too long!

    • My mother’s a natural born talker like you, too which is fine. I don’t mind people talking TO me, it’s when they talk AT me about absolutely nothing that I get a bit perturbed. Discussing the contents of People magazine like it’s a literary masterpiece was what pushed. me. over. the. edge. Even the voices in my head couldn’t drown that crap out!

      • LOL…Oh, my version of that is the packaging guys at work. Break room is right next to the lab. All day they talk about the same football game over and over and over. I shut the door first thing in the morning. Otherwise, I am not responsible for what happens.

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