I’m going to vent.
I like to think of myself as a reasonable, rational individual (at least that’s what the voices in my head tell me) and strive to be nice, polite, courteous (you know, all those adjectives your mother told you nice girls were supposed to be) until the point at which ‘nice’ equates with ‘doormat’ and I’m forced to unearth my membership card to BBWAU (that’s Ballbusting Bitches With Attitude United) and hop on my broom. I honestly don’t get how most folks (notice I didn’t say ALL) can be saccharine sweet in person, but turn into the Kraken on the phone. It’s a phone, people, not a damn immunity idol! You are not freed from the fetters of polite society simply because I’m on the other end of the phone and not staring into your angry mug. And if you’re gonna go for sarcasm, please, at the very least, be good at it. Lousy sarcasm is like undressing Tom Selleck and discovering PeeWee Herman. Yep, that troll who was doing unseemly things in the back row of a movie theater. By himself. Yeah, it’s THAT bad. Either up your game or knock it the hell off.
When I call customer service, I’m looking for a resolution, not a freebie…although freebies never hurt. There’s an issue which I don’t understand, a charge that doesn’t seem right and I’m in dire need of answers. I’m not asking for one of your vital organs. Take a Midol or a chill pill. Hell, take both. I simply want an explanation to my satisfaction. Remember, in your mind, I AM the village idiot. Put it in terms I can grasp. I’m starting off the conversation assuming you are intelligent, polite and capable. Please extend the same assumption my way. Getting snippy, you or I, demeans us both…although it can be fun, I assure you I’m better at it.
If I’m staring you in the face, please don’t tell me you’re about to get off shift and aren’t really paying me much attention. Yes, this happened to me today at the local Barnes and Noble. I shit you not. It’s times like these when my inner harpy is screaming ‘Let me have my way, oh benevolent empress of my universe!’ and it’s all I can do NOT to let her out. Honest to God, what happened to customer service?! Is it not enough anymore that I conduct MYSELF with decorum just so some asshat can let it be known that I’m basically holding up their Friday night plans?
Do I assume all customer service folks are like this? No, not in the least. Case in point…
Customer service came to our door today in the form of a…plumber. Thank you, Lord for On The Level Plumbing. We knew there was a leak somewhere on the old homestead and watched with despair as the water meter circled steadily, nay, scampered, careened, whirled about sucking the dollars from our wallets and leaving me to deal with the abovementioned Kraken. He found the leak and fixed it, smiled while he took my money and I WAS HAPPY to give it to him! I told Himself I slept with the guy and he knocked off $100 bucks…sorry, couldn’t resist the “True Lies” reference.
I am happy. The weekend has begun with three ADHD children in the house…all of whom are experiencing the effects of their meds wearing off, who are engaged in an intense Nerf gun firefight. At least none of them are the Kraken.