Twi-Not

Someone please enlighten me, philistine that I am, and explain the appeal of the Twilight saga.

Himself, whom I consider to be a towering pillar of levelheadedness in an otherwise batshit-crazy universe, loves the Twilight movies.  Not in a teenage-girl sense (that’d just be creepy) but as a connoisseur (his word) of vampire flicks.  Of course, this is the same man who enjoys watching Duel with Dennis Hopper.  Never heard of it?  Don’t worry…you haven’t missed anything.  

Explain to me the sex appeal of Robert Pattinson, bearing in mind you’re speaking to a woman who thinks Brad Pitt and George Clooney are unattractive.  Call me weird, go ahead.  Sure, Pattinson’s got the accent, but otherwise he needs a comb and a shave.  I wanna hold him down and give him a good spray tan…day glo orange side effects be damned!  What am I missing here?  And what’s this crap about him being ‘sparkly’?  The only man who comes to mind at the word ‘sparkly’ is Liberace.

Then there’s Kristen Stewart.  I swear the chick’s made of plastic (like Barbie without the boobs) because her expression never changes through the whole thing.  If I ever run into her (and pray that I don’t) I’m gonna offer her a stool softener and bottle of water. Who wouldn’t sport a crabby expression being all stove up (my grandmother’s expression) like that?
And last, there’s the toothsome Taylor Lautner.  It’s hard to find sex appeal there without crossing over into pervert territory considering my daughter’s current favorite movie stars an elementary-age Taylor.  Does The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl ring bells for anyone?  Probably not.  Just be grateful you’ve missed it.  I, however, have seen it so many times I can recite the lines in my sleep.
Maybe in another twenty years or so it’ll all make sense.  After all, as a teenager I never understood my mother’s swooning over Tom Selleck in his Magnum P.I. shorts.  Seeing him in Robert B. Parker’s ‘Jesse Stone’ movies, I now totally get it.  YOU WERE RIGHT MA! 
Twenty years?  Yeah, maybe then it’ll make sense ’cause right now it just makes me gag.
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7 thoughts on “Twi-Not

  1. You're singin to the choir today ! Have not seen the appeal at all, I did laugh though when my daughter informed me in a tone of disgust that she had to work the 10 pm showing, "imagine Mom, a whole theatre full of horny middle aged women" lmfao !

  2. I'm just getting to see your blogs. I agree with you and enjoy catching up.We are all safe-family and friends. You just have to tell your president to leave us along and stop telling us what we can and can not do.

  3. I thought I was the only one that didn't like Pitt & Clooney. No desire to see Twilight. I do love Sam Elliot. That old man hasn't lost a thing!

  4. Well, as a member of team Jacob I have to say I feel a little creepy about it, because I too remember him as Shark Boy. But I read the whole series to make sure it was okay for my daughter to read. She was barely 13 at the time and I wasn't sure how she would feel. I ended up really getting into the books, and I kind of dig the movies too. I agree about Kristen Stewart though. She not only has an expressionless face, but dang girl! Eat sandwich or something! She's too skinny. I do agree about Tom Sellek. I have always loved that man. He is the new James Garner.

  5. Stephanie, I so agree with you. There is obviously NO accounting for tastes. I didn't let my teenaged daughter near it! Thank goodness this thing is finally ending.

  6. Have never seen one of these movies, have never read the book and dont get what all the fuss is about either!You and I can go sit in the corner together.

  7. ^5s for saying so! The appeal of these vampire "things" totally escapes me. A young hormonal teen age girl, I could understand, but to see my 40 year old niece? I don't get it. Ew. Thanks for saying what I'd like to!

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