For the Love of Pete, Please Shut Up!

Just an FYI for all those folks whose grasp of the English language is a bit lacking:

‘Like, um, uh’ does not in any way, shape or form, constitute a complete and coherent sentence.  Please learn to speak or shut the hell up.  I cannot fathom why any right thinking individual would put you in the public eye when you can’t communicate effectively.  Please read a dictionary.  NOW!  You know, it’s a book?  With words and definitions?  No, there aren’t pictures.  You have to think, painful as that may be for you.

As a side note, and since I’m in a snarky mood, it’s inaccurate to address me as ‘dude’ because the good Lord made me perfect female.  No, those aren’t tumors; they’re breasts.  I’m sorry your girlfriend bears a striking resemblance to Calista Flockhart, but most normal women have bumps on their chest.  It’s a burden, trust me.  If I were that flat, they’d throw turf over me and heavy, grunting, sweaty men would throw around a pigskin whilst trampling over my loveliness.  See, I didn’t even use ‘like’ in that sentence!  IT CAN BE DONE!

Like, um, uh…thanks for your time, dude.

Here endeth the tirade.  Pardon me while I step down off my soapbox.

UPDATE 10/26/12:  Judging by my email inbox, this post managed to piss off more than one foreigner which I find somewhat amusing considering most foreign folks have a better grasp of English and how to use it than alot of Americans.  Keep calm and read on, my foreign friends!  I am not referring to you in the above post.  Ever talked to an American teenager or twentysomething?  If not, do so and you’ll hear what I mean.

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2 comments

  1. LOL…I have had similar rants. What is really funny is to hear my sons go of on the same tangent. Working in industry another pet peeve of mine is the F-bomb. People that use it in every sentence (multiple times) sound stupid and trashy, IMHO.

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