For the Love of Pete, Please Shut Up!

Just an FYI for all those folks whose grasp of the English language is a bit lacking:

‘Like, um, uh’ does not in any way, shape or form, constitute a complete and coherent sentence.  Please learn to speak or shut the hell up.  I cannot fathom why any right thinking individual would put you in the public eye when you can’t communicate effectively.  Please read a dictionary.  NOW!  You know, it’s a book?  With words and definitions?  No, there aren’t pictures.  You have to think, painful as that may be for you.

As a side note, and since I’m in a snarky mood, it’s inaccurate to address me as ‘dude’ because the good Lord made me perfect female.  No, those aren’t tumors; they’re breasts.  I’m sorry your girlfriend bears a striking resemblance to Calista Flockhart, but most normal women have bumps on their chest.  It’s a burden, trust me.  If I were that flat, they’d throw turf over me and heavy, grunting, sweaty men would throw around a pigskin whilst trampling over my loveliness.  See, I didn’t even use ‘like’ in that sentence!  IT CAN BE DONE!

Like, um, uh…thanks for your time, dude.

Here endeth the tirade.  Pardon me while I step down off my soapbox.

UPDATE 10/26/12:  Judging by my email inbox, this post managed to piss off more than one foreigner which I find somewhat amusing considering most foreign folks have a better grasp of English and how to use it than alot of Americans.  Keep calm and read on, my foreign friends!  I am not referring to you in the above post.  Ever talked to an American teenager or twentysomething?  If not, do so and you’ll hear what I mean.


  1. LOL…I have had similar rants. What is really funny is to hear my sons go of on the same tangent. Working in industry another pet peeve of mine is the F-bomb. People that use it in every sentence (multiple times) sound stupid and trashy, IMHO.

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