Even I Can Solve This Equation

Math and I have never been BFFs.  I cringe whenever I’m called upon to help one of the Co-Defendants with a math assignment.  The worst?  Word problems!  UGH!!  I hate having to weed through all that extraneous crap to get to the guts I need to solve the problem.   

Give me hailstones the size of Volkswagons!  Give me locusts!  Give me Justin Bieber live and in concert 24/7 in my living room!  Anything, but word problems!!

When, I asked my childhood self, would I ever use this crap?

Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you, that today is that day.

Here’s my version of Mom Math…

1 five year old Boxer with gastrointestinal upset…

plus 1 clean laundry room…

divided by 10 bath towels times 1 cantankerous washing machine that decided mid-cycle to spew its noxious liquid onto the already, ahem, soiled floor…

times 75 minutes to clean up the now swampy floor times 3 loads of now sodden filthy towels divided by 2 liters of pine cleaner times 28 paper towels plus 1 mop which I’ll never use again times 2 gagging children equals how many beers for Mom?

If you said 1, you’d be right.  Give yourself a pat on the back!

It’s Monday, y’all.

Ah, just another shitty day in paradise!

P.S. There are bonus points if you can guess what the time was when I actually consumed my beer.  Good luck!


  1. God! I just cant take it! You make my belly hurt from laughing so hard!! Have another beer, you've earned it!! F****** word problems, I used to hate them too!!

  2. Oh, you poor thing–how could you only have 1 beer after a day like that? we have always had at least one dog in our house–I can relate-I don't even want to think about sharing any of the stories with you-I'm not up to gagging already this morning and I'd sure hate to bring it all back to you as well 🙂 Hope today is a better day! p.s. Are those The Pioneer Woman Cookbooks I spy in the back?? Love them!!

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