Afterward, the mommies all gathered round their respective offspring for hugs and high fives and I was no exception. Down the hall in her classroom there awaited a Mothers’ Day reception where I’d perch myself on an impossibly tiny, hard plastic chair and partake of a cupcake and Kool-Aid and try my hand at conversation with women with whom I had absolutely nothing in common. Well, other than an obnoxious seven year old, of course.
There she stood with a shy smile and pink cheeks as I congratulated her on a job well done.
Then she said: I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t want you to come. I don’t want to be embarrassed. Would you please just leave? I’ll give you twenty kisses when I get home, okay? Bye, Mom and waited expectantly for me to get the hell out.
I’d heard the expression like being stabbed in the heart and now I knew firsthand what that meant. THAT FRIGGIN’ HURT! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, pausing to ask her to clarify what she meant only to have her assure me what she wanted was for me to leave. Bye-bye…ta-ta…see ya later. Talk about don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out! After calling my mother who totally got the magnitude of what I was experiencing and my husband on whom the whole concept was totally lost, I went home and got my mad on. I so did not sign up for this shit. Not fair shouted my inner child as she stamped her foot.
I came to the conclusion that for her, school was her domain and she didn’t want Mom to be a part of it. Fair enough, but I didn’t have to like it. My work schedule doesn’t allow for me to put in many school appearances so when I’m able, I go.
She got in the car at pickup time and informed me she’d missed me terribly after I left and was sorry she’d made me go.
Let me get this straight, I said. Your exact words were…I want you to go. I don’t want to be embarrassed. I left as you requested. You got what you wanted.
Dead silence. Even my son, the master of Blunt and Thoughtless, was stunned into silence. I caught the sideways Holy crap glance he directed at his sister and knew she was squirming like a fish on a hook. I let her know that while she was allowed to express her thoughts and feelings, her delivery was a bit off and my feelings were hurt. She was apologizing before I even finished my spiel. I informed them that given the opportunity, I would be present at school functions but that I solemnly swore I would not pick my nose, scratch my butt or fart…uttered with my right hand raised.
They are satisfied.